Today I sat and watched the sun move shadows against my garage wall. I was alone and trying to experience the aloneness of being alone. The light was fine and I was enjoying the fading day. I felt really content. Then I was quite suddenly struck with this feeling of living for myself. Of living without being tethered to someone else's ideas and plans. Not that other's ideas and plans aren't awesome. But this was a message just for me. This was about taking control. This was a warning not to give myself away. And then these little words came out of/to me:
Don't be afraid.
You're only dreaming.
Don't fear change darling.
It's the natural passage.
It is nature's way.
It is best and
it is what is.
Embrace it. Why not?
You don't have to be afraid.
You're only dreaming.
You get a FRESH START.
You see it.
You're so close to it.
You are it.
You are love.
You know.
I am.
You know.
Take the power. All of it is yours. All of this is for you.
You get to choose Everything.
Who you love. What you do.
How far you go.
How skinny you are.
How audacious.
Don't let others decide. Take their counsel and their comfort but don't ever, ever give one single part of yourself away.
Follow your heart. Know your heart.
Know it inside out.
Build a temple to it.
Build an altar to yourself and your God.
To your heart.
And then I watched a massive black widow kill a june bug.
Now tonight I remember "give thanks for every wrong move." Remember to say thank you for your pain. I want to be thankful for mine. I want to laugh and say, yeah. Thank God for that.
I see candles flicker behind my closed eyes. My old cat insists on being on the yoga mat with me. I watch her spread out and lick herself and I stop and observe her and give thanks for the present moment. Thanks for time and it's awkward warping. It's tightly woven regrets, it's little jokes. It's irrelevance. It's experience.
Thank you to the everything for these seconds of pure happiness. For watching my cat, for the turns of my mind, for my invisible eyes.
"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost." Martha Graham
It Is What It Is
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
A Year in a Life
I can't believe it has been a year (a YEAR) since this house was in upheaval. Chaos rained and reigned. Love was kicked around. Dreams were tinkered with until they no longer resembled themselves. Expectations fell down to basement level and were still not met. Every day was an adventure but not the good kind. These adventures were dark and dangerous. Violent. Empty and hollow. Jesus...I can't believe that was my life for so long.
“Faith is to believe what we do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.” St. Augustine
The fact is I don’t want to spend time with him this Christmas. I faked it last year. I don’t want to do it this year. And the nice thing is I don’t HAVE to. I am exercising my right to not have to.
“Yet it is not enough to seek the truth or even to know the truth. We must give ourselves permission now to live the truth as we understand it, with all its myriad implications for our lives.” Marianne Williamson
I believe everyone’s trying to find their equilibrium. Nature automatically looks for balance. We adapt ourselves to situations so we can survive. Like Darwinian fish, we try to find out feet. But much of the diversity of our world comes from genetic mutation. Not careful baby steps but totally random fucking shit (TRFS).
“Even cowards can endure hardship, only the brave can endure suspense.” Mignon McLaughlin
There’s something about being on the tightrope I really like.
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” Thoreau
My favorite word is freedom.
My favorite number is 4 because it is twice my actual favorite number which is 2.
Someone called me super mom today. Someone else said I was their hero. Someone else said I was full of love and the kindest person ever. Best. Year. Ever.
“After the final no there comes a yes
And on that yes the future world depends.” Wallace Stevens
An aside: not for the squeamish…
One piece of advice: never ever ask your husband to look at your vagina after you’ve had a baby to “see if it looks alright.” It does not look alright and he does not want to see it.
I believe maybe that was the beginning of the end with the dh and I. Maybe. Free advice.
“We’re all on a sinking boat.” Me to Soph Jan. 2008
“Faith is to believe what we do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.” St. Augustine
The fact is I don’t want to spend time with him this Christmas. I faked it last year. I don’t want to do it this year. And the nice thing is I don’t HAVE to. I am exercising my right to not have to.
“Yet it is not enough to seek the truth or even to know the truth. We must give ourselves permission now to live the truth as we understand it, with all its myriad implications for our lives.” Marianne Williamson
I believe everyone’s trying to find their equilibrium. Nature automatically looks for balance. We adapt ourselves to situations so we can survive. Like Darwinian fish, we try to find out feet. But much of the diversity of our world comes from genetic mutation. Not careful baby steps but totally random fucking shit (TRFS).
“Even cowards can endure hardship, only the brave can endure suspense.” Mignon McLaughlin
There’s something about being on the tightrope I really like.
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” Thoreau
My favorite word is freedom.
My favorite number is 4 because it is twice my actual favorite number which is 2.
Someone called me super mom today. Someone else said I was their hero. Someone else said I was full of love and the kindest person ever. Best. Year. Ever.
“After the final no there comes a yes
And on that yes the future world depends.” Wallace Stevens
An aside: not for the squeamish…
One piece of advice: never ever ask your husband to look at your vagina after you’ve had a baby to “see if it looks alright.” It does not look alright and he does not want to see it.
I believe maybe that was the beginning of the end with the dh and I. Maybe. Free advice.
“We’re all on a sinking boat.” Me to Soph Jan. 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Health of the Mother
I like having other people write for me:
http://flotsamblog.com/2008/10/16/more-wounded-that-eloquent-im-afraid/
http://flotsamblog.com/2008/10/16/more-wounded-that-eloquent-im-afraid/
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Hope Is Never False
Four years ago, post-presidential election, was a very disturbing time for me. It seemed that it was impossible for Bush to remain President for another four years and I remember when Kerry lost feeling very distraught, grossly disappointed, confused and pessimistic about the future. What choice was there but to just kind of check out and move on? I felt terrible for the people who gave their time to get Kerry elected. If I felt bad, how must they feel? How depressing I thought, and I wished I had done more but, oh well. They'll always win, I secretly believed.
Then along came Barack Obama.
I love Barack. Love his power and grace. His calm and his fury. His ability to relate to everyone. His heart. His smarts. His willingness to dream. So I wanted to get involved. Wanted to. But how?
Last week, the kids and I drove to Culver City and I attended an Mama Camp Obama. I met leaders in the Democratic party, field officers who got Obama through the primary, people just like me who have dedicated their time and energy to change OUR world.
I remember one of the speakers mentioned that there were 45 more days till the election and whoosh! A fire was lit under me and I knew now, now, now was the time. It is not too late. Now is the time to act. To get involved.
Now is when you can get in people's head and make your little voice stay there till election day.
This last month could easily decide the election.
No one wants more of the same. We as a country cannot take it and therefore we cannot allow it.
We must act.
Now.
A bumper sticker is not enough.
Forwarding an email is not enough (although I hope you forward this one).
Every vote counts. Every person you talk to.
The next forty two days determine our future.
Commit.
An hour a week at a phone bank.
Better yet: have one at your house with five of your friends.
Be positive. We want to unite this country.
Be a good example to others.
Talk about Obama with enthusiasm and pride.
Don't get suckered into petty arguments about McCain and Palin.
Do this instead:
Visit: www.my.barack.obama.com and join a group or search for events in your area.
Contact your local Obama office right now and volunteer. Check out:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/actioncenter
Don't live in fear of the worst case scenario.
Do something.
Take control.
Let's push Barack up over the top.
I decided to have a Mama Camp Obama right here in the Valley next week so more moms could come and get trained in this grass roots effort.
Here's the link to my event.
http://my.barackobama.com/page/event/detail/gs7htc
(Men are welcome too.)
Please attend and pass on the information about it. In fact pass on all this information. Seeing these people at the training camp made me realize that, as usual, they are just like us. They have kids. They're busy and tired and overwhelmed. But this is our country and our future at stake and nothing less. Every vote counts. They are people just like you who could have thought to themselves, I can't make a difference.
But they are and so can you!
Watch these Women for Obama videos here (very inspiring!):
Women from all walks of life, coming together for Barack Obama:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid900837095/bclid900609698/bctid1757661310
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid900837095/bclid900609698/bctid1317865535
Here's the blog about the event I attended: http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/sarahgallagher/gGgY9M
It is NOT too late to get involved. In fact right now is the PERFECT time. Only 42 more days and you won't have to do it anymore. Imagine how you will feel when there is a ground swell of support for Obama and you know YOU made that happen. Now imagine how you'll feel when Obama wins!
Here's the address for the SFV Valley Obama office:
San Fernando Valley Office
14529 Archwood Street
Van Nuys, CA 91405
Phone: 818-995-DEMS
Hours: 10AM - 6PM
Here is a website to make sure you are registered or if you need to request an absentee ballot: www.voteforchange.com
Here is a website to use when making calls or just talking to people. Acquainte yourself with the issues! Stay positive and know your facts!
http://www.fightthesmears.com/
or/and
http://www.barackobama.com/issues/
or print out the great one sheet below and attached to this email.
And just for fun, here's a site I love for printing out Obama stuff or posting art to your blog or getting cool wallpaper.
http://www.barackobama.com/downloads/#
Here's the blog about the event I attended: http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/sarahgallagher/gGgY9M
Thank you for reading! We can and will do this! Please feel free to email me with questions!
LOVE & PEACE & COURAGE PEOPLE!
Then along came Barack Obama.
I love Barack. Love his power and grace. His calm and his fury. His ability to relate to everyone. His heart. His smarts. His willingness to dream. So I wanted to get involved. Wanted to. But how?
Last week, the kids and I drove to Culver City and I attended an Mama Camp Obama. I met leaders in the Democratic party, field officers who got Obama through the primary, people just like me who have dedicated their time and energy to change OUR world.
I remember one of the speakers mentioned that there were 45 more days till the election and whoosh! A fire was lit under me and I knew now, now, now was the time. It is not too late. Now is the time to act. To get involved.
Now is when you can get in people's head and make your little voice stay there till election day.
This last month could easily decide the election.
No one wants more of the same. We as a country cannot take it and therefore we cannot allow it.
We must act.
Now.
A bumper sticker is not enough.
Forwarding an email is not enough (although I hope you forward this one).
Every vote counts. Every person you talk to.
The next forty two days determine our future.
Commit.
An hour a week at a phone bank.
Better yet: have one at your house with five of your friends.
Be positive. We want to unite this country.
Be a good example to others.
Talk about Obama with enthusiasm and pride.
Don't get suckered into petty arguments about McCain and Palin.
Do this instead:
Visit: www.my.barack.obama.com and join a group or search for events in your area.
Contact your local Obama office right now and volunteer. Check out:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/actioncenter
Don't live in fear of the worst case scenario.
Do something.
Take control.
Let's push Barack up over the top.
I decided to have a Mama Camp Obama right here in the Valley next week so more moms could come and get trained in this grass roots effort.
Here's the link to my event.
http://my.barackobama.com/page/event/detail/gs7htc
(Men are welcome too.)
Please attend and pass on the information about it. In fact pass on all this information. Seeing these people at the training camp made me realize that, as usual, they are just like us. They have kids. They're busy and tired and overwhelmed. But this is our country and our future at stake and nothing less. Every vote counts. They are people just like you who could have thought to themselves, I can't make a difference.
But they are and so can you!
Watch these Women for Obama videos here (very inspiring!):
Women from all walks of life, coming together for Barack Obama:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid900837095/bclid900609698/bctid1757661310
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid900837095/bclid900609698/bctid1317865535
Here's the blog about the event I attended: http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/sarahgallagher/gGgY9M
It is NOT too late to get involved. In fact right now is the PERFECT time. Only 42 more days and you won't have to do it anymore. Imagine how you will feel when there is a ground swell of support for Obama and you know YOU made that happen. Now imagine how you'll feel when Obama wins!
Here's the address for the SFV Valley Obama office:
San Fernando Valley Office
14529 Archwood Street
Van Nuys, CA 91405
Phone: 818-995-DEMS
Hours: 10AM - 6PM
Here is a website to make sure you are registered or if you need to request an absentee ballot: www.voteforchange.com
Here is a website to use when making calls or just talking to people. Acquainte yourself with the issues! Stay positive and know your facts!
http://www.fightthesmears.com/
or/and
http://www.barackobama.com/issues/
or print out the great one sheet below and attached to this email.
And just for fun, here's a site I love for printing out Obama stuff or posting art to your blog or getting cool wallpaper.
http://www.barackobama.com/downloads/#
Here's the blog about the event I attended: http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/sarahgallagher/gGgY9M
Thank you for reading! We can and will do this! Please feel free to email me with questions!
LOVE & PEACE & COURAGE PEOPLE!
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